Dan Brown's INFERNO Drinking Game

You know how sometimes you don't realize you really wanted or needed something until someone gives it to you? Well, today I'm here to give you what you never realized you always wanted: the Inferno drinking game! So cuddle up with a bottle or three, a copy of Dan Brown's latest, and settle in for a drunk-ass weekend.

For this drinking game, I recommend Frangelico, a bottle of Scotch, and Doluca wine.

Drink:

• Every time the provost drinks (obvs).
• Every time Robert Langdon wants to do something frivolous like eat lunch, but realizes he doesn't have time because he's being chased (one of the more accurate depictions of a professor's life I've seen in these books to date, by the way).
• For every plane, train, or boat. I'm on a boat!
• Every time Langdon observes Sienna is a good actress.
• When someone is drugged.
• Whenever you wonder what art has to do with any of this.
• For every tortured explanation of why Langdon can't recall something even though he has an eidetic memory.
• Whenever you feel like you're in Assassin's Creed 2.

Start chugging:

• During every scene on the Mendacium. Because holy crap, those were some boring, repetitive scenes.
• When Langdon's inner monologue turns all tour-guide-y ("Above, you'll see the clock of St. Mark's Tower, which was featured in the James Bond film, Moonraker!").
• During every lecture and/or flashback.

Take a shot for every...

• Time information is repeated. Double shot if it's on the same page.
• Secret passage.
• Wanton destruction of artwork.
• Chase scene.
• Museum employee Langdon knows or who knows of Langdon.
• Mention of eBooks.
• Obvious anagrams.
• Time Langdon mentions he was on some sort of VIP tour.
• Non-sensical metaphor ("Langdon felt like he had awoken inside a Max Ernst painting." What? What does that even mean?).
• Unnecessary adverb ("Thank you," he said politely).
• Whenever someone searches the internet on their phone.

Discus this post with me on Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ or in the comments below.

Read More

INFERNO by Dan Brown — Discussion

It's the middle of the night in Florence, Italy. Robert Langdon, Symbologist!, awakes in a hospital room with no idea of where he is or how he got there. The doctors fill him in: he stumbled into the hospital with a gunshot wound to the head and passed out, muttering incoherently. Robert's suffering from amnesia and the last thing he remembers is sitting at home in Cambridge, Mass., chilling with a bottle of Tanqueray and a novel by Nikolai Gogol. Or was it Bombay Sapphire and something by Dostoyevsky? Either way, the only thing any of us know is that Robert Langdon really needs to work on improving his social life, and possibly cutting back on the gin. Then someone walks into the hospital and starts shooting at him! What-the-what? Fortunately, Robert escapes with the help of an attractive female doctor. Now all he has to do is figure out how he got to Florence, why he's even there, and why someone is trying to kill him. Mysterious!

When I started Inferno, Anachronist from Portable Pieces of Thought asked me if I wanted to discuss it with her. Something you should know about Anachronist is that she hates Dan Brown novels (you can read her review of Inferno on her blog today, incidentally), whereas I tend to enjoy them even though I think they're ridiculous. So what did each of us think of Inferno? Read on to find out!

So, what did you think?

Heidenkind: Uhg. Well, I will say this: it was better than The Lost Symbol (my review), and the beginning was pretty strong. But by the end I was just SMH.

Anachronist: In my opinion it was the worst Dan Brown I’ve ever read. Either the editor was completely drunk/high while doing their job or...I dunno. It is almost fascinating to observe Mr. Brown going from bad to worse - like watching an accident and not being able to turn your head and walk on. I hated The Lost Symbol but this one I simply loathed.

Heidenkind: I had the same thought. Where WAS the editor? I have to say I was in a pretty foul mood by the time I finished this.

Anachronist: Small wonder.



What was your favorite part?

Heidenkind: The scenes where Langdon and Sienna (nice shout-out to Florence’s rival city there) were in the Palazzo Vecchio were really fun. I’m a total sucker for secret passages. I need to get on some of these VIP tours Langdon’s got going.

I also thought Florence was very well-utilized as a setting. The other two locales, not so much.

Anachronist: Florence scenes were nice, plus every mention of Vayentha, one of the secondary characters I felt in love with made me grin. She was of course killed. Murdered in fact. And she was INNOCENT, got it people? Completely innocent! Be warned: Brown murders innocent women in his books!

Heidenkind: At least she wasn’t bald. ;)

Anachronist: no, she was blond with short, spiky hair. I loved her motorcycle! I loved her! And then my least fav author simply finished her off. How not to hate him?



Problems?

Heidenkind: Well quite frankly, there were a lot. There were metaphors that simply made no sense, and the book needed to be edited down a lot. I don’t need to be told the same thing three or four times before I get it, you feel me? At some point I started wondering if Brown thinks his readers are idiots.

Also, the art history tie-in didn’t fit very well with the rest of the plot this time around. The Dante mask, which isn’t really a work of art, was fine, but I’m still confused as to why Zobrist would use a painting by Botticelli to send a coded message. Why not just send a code in a gene sequence or something? Also, that code was pretty lame.

And the descriptions. Holy Mother of God. It sounded like Langdon was leading a tour group. “Welcome to Istanbul. Today we’ll be following Kennedy Avenue, said to be one of the prettiest drives in the city. On the right, you’ll see the Blue Mosque, said to be the inspiration for Disney’s Cinderella castle!”

I’m sure I’ll come up with more as I think about it.

Anachronist: Problems? *Snort* There was one major problem: this book shouldn’t have happened. It should have been written with a better plot and the narration which actually made sense. I didn’t even feel like looking for blunders anymore - it would be like kicking a defeated opponent. Honestly, Mr. Brown, your style doesn’t even deserve that name. I’ve read many fanfics which were 200% better - like 99% of them. I might start to think English is actually your second, nay, third language. In fact some parts of your book read as if they were copied and pasted straight from the more horrible Wikipedia entries. I can’t believe it was edited at any point.

Heidenkind: It wasn’t THAT bad. lol Maybe Brown’s contract states that his manuscripts don’t need to be edited, because he’s a literary genius. ;)

Anachronist: oh it was that bad. Honestly, I rarely read such pathetic books and if I do it’s only because from time to time my inner masochist rears its ugly head and roar for food, hungry little monster.



Okay, let’s break down the problems into things that are more specific. What did you think of the twist?

SPOILERY TERRITORY

Heidenkind: I’m still trying to process it. Because on one level, I was like, “Okay...?” But when I really think about it I’m just like, “Wait... what?” It’s not that the twist didn’t make sense in the context of the book, because I can see that Brown set us up for it; it’s more that it was too incredible and complex to be believed. Also, even though I didn’t see it coming, I still wasn’t surprised by it, I think because Sienna is a sketchy character from the word go so I never trusted her like I did the yummy Camerlengo in Angels & Demons.

Anachronist: Sienna was bald. It was emphasized from the very beginning how bald she was - like completely bald and then some. It was done for a reason, folks. As far as I remember no bald Brown character has ever been up to any good so there was no twist in my opinion, not really. Think about the whole symbolism. A bald woman. Unnatural. A Freak. A Shocking beast. *nodding vigorously*



What about the conclusion with Zobrist’s “final solution?”

Heidenkind: Okay, I’m not a geneticist or virologist or anything, but this part really MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Because people have more than one or two kids; that’s where overpopulation comes from! And infertile people still have surrogates carry their kids, or in vitro fertilization, et cetera. It’s not as if having a kid is like having a penis and you either get one or don’t depending on which chromosomes you inherit, so this plan to reduce the earth’s population has no chance of working. Unless Zobrist’s virus removed the biological imperative to procreate, in which case that would be cray.

I also liked how the director of the WHO was all, “Hey, that was actually a good idea! Why didn’t I listen to this mad scientist when I had the chance?” FAIL

Anachronist: FAIL, complete and total fail. You get it even if you know nothing about genetics and viruses. It was like Inferno which never managed to happen because wait, there is a sequel coming and our virile main lead, Saint Langdon the Sweetest, CANNOT BE sterile. Not before he gets a wife and a dozen kids. And he hasn’t married or engaged yet. And Sienna has to save the world somehow or die trying.

END OF SPOILERY TERRITORY



Conclusion

Heidenkind: I honestly wanted to like this book, but I just can’t. Like I said, it’s better than The Lost Symbol, but Brown was still really pulling his punches on this one, and that’s not going to work.

I think Dan Brown is a nice guy, and I think the controversy stirred up over The Da Vinci Code kind of traumatized him. And I don’t blame him for that. But that doesn’t mean one should write inoffensive literary pablum in response to it.

I just really wish he’d get pissed off about something and write about that so we’d have a book with some ideas and conviction.

Anachronist: I honestly wanted to hate this book and I wasn’t disappointed. My inner glee carried me through even the worst paragraphs and made me practically whistling with joy. Yes I enjoyed myself immensely thinking: “That’s it. Perhaps Dan Brown will get the message this time and leave the poor, tormented suspense and action literature be. It deserves better than that. It deserves a new Indiana Jones not Robert Langdon and his old tricks.”

I am not a delusional hater. I would shake hands with Dan Brown on the street. Maybe he is a good guy. Maybe he, like his favourite protagonist, professor Langdon, has a good heart (very deep down of course - look what he’s done to Vayentha!). He’s earned more than enough; I am sure any writer would be satisfied having such a bank account. Let him play golf and fly fish now. Let him crochet. His novels will be remembered - and loathed - forever. Imagine how many trees you can save by not publishing his next book.



Have any of you read Inferno? What did you think?

Discus this post with me on Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ or in the comments below.

Read More

Review: WICKED AT HEART by Danelle Harmon

Lady Gwyneth is a do-gooder widow who has decided she will reform Britain's prison ships and set the Americans impressed by the British Navy free! Ammurika thanks you, Lady Gwyn. But the ship she wants to reform is run by the wicked Marquis of Morninghall, an evil bastard who isn't about to be intimidated by her. Naturally, Lady Gwyn finds him infuriating in a v e r y intriguing way. Will these two crazy kids get together?

So. This book had a lot problems, I'm not going to lie. But for some reason I got a freaking kick out of it.

First of all, the problems. The dialog is super-anachronistic. I had to laugh when Morninghall said, "What is this, question and answer time?" And the characters say things like, "Jeez, Toby!" Gosh golly gee willikers! This is the 1810s, not the 1920s. There are other things that don't make historical sense, too, like the fact that Gwyn--the widow of an earl--and her sister don't seem to have any servants and do everything themselves, including making tea. If Gwyn has a moral imperative against employing servants, fine, but that needs to be mentioned. Also, the way she boarded the ship wasn't accurate: she climbed the ladder up the side of the ship! No lady would do that; they'd sit in a sling and the sailors would haul them up. Women's fashions weren't especially friendly to climbing ladders back then.

Also, the book goes on for way too long. There's a subplot involving a Robin Hood-type character called the Black Wolf who rescues people from the prison ship, and Danelle Harmon spends unnecessary time filling us in on the tangential characters connected to that, including 1. the escapees, 2. the accomplices, and 3. the prison guards who are arseholes. Just skim over those bits. I give you permission.

Of course, as I've said before, historical inaccuracies in novels usually don't bother me unless they're so egregious they throw me completely out of the story. So, despite allllll those problems, I kind of loved this book. Like this is the most enjoyable historical romance I've read in a long while. Morninghall (whose first name, naturally, is Damon) is sort of a cliche, but I found myself fascinated by him. When Wicked at Heart first starts, it appears that he's having a heart attack, but his friend doesn't seem terribly concerned. What is wrong with this guy? Is he high-strung? A hypochondriac? Epileptic? I had no idea, but I was concerned.

Gwyn is very likable, too. She's pushy and unreasonable, but not annoying, and her and Morninghall's relationship developed in an unusual way. So even if the characters were a bit cliche, the romance wasn't. At first they fight all the time (I'm a total sucker for novels where the hero and heroine fight), but they definitely have chemistry. The turnover from loathing to love was a little abrupt, but whatever, I'm willing to go along with it.

Furthermore, it's pretty obvious from the start of the novel who the Black Wolf is, but Harmon does a great job of double-blinding the reader as to how or why. And how many books do you read that are set on board a prison ship? It's not the romantic setting, but I thought it gave the book a lot of atmosphere, not to mention it was a great backdrop for the characters. There's Morninghall, ruling over a prison ship like Hades in the Underworld; and then there's Gwyn, with a bright cottage and garden on shore. Heavy on the symbolism, yes, but it worked for me.

Wicked at Heart may not be a perfect novel, but you know what? It was a fun read and quite frankly that's saying a lot from me in regard to romances these days.




Discus this post with me on Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ or in the comments below.

Read More

Armchair BEA Non-Fiction

Today's topic for Armchair BEA is non-fiction (also ethics, but to quote Lawrence Block, "I’m not sure there’s any good sense in imposing questions of ethics upon a profession which has muddled along for centuries without any." He was talking about writers, obvs, but bloggers are writers, right???)

I actually read a lot of non-fiction, even though this isn't necessarily reflected on my blog. That's because I don't react to non-fiction the way I do to fiction. With fiction, I pretty much always have something to say; but with non-fiction, I'm usually just reading it to garner specific information, so I only write about it on my blog when I think it's a book that would appeal to a broad range of people or when it's a book I really, really, REALLY think is a piece of caca. Mainly I read books about art and history, because that's my background, but there are so many non-fiction books out there. If you think fiction is overwhelming, look at non-fiction some time.

That being said, there is one--yes, ONE--non-fiction book I think everyone should read, and that's Killer Stuff and Tons of Money by Maureen Stanton. I thought this book wasn't just a portrait of antiques dealing, but of the American dream; and it's one of the VERY few non-fiction books I've read from cover to cover and been entranced all the way through.

For bloggers, I would highly recommend The Blogger Abides by Chris Higgins. Chris Higgins is a professional blogger at Mental Floss, but I think his advice on blogging is useful both for people who look at blogging as a hobby AND for those who want to go professional. Another book I'd recommend for anyone who's interested in writing is Telling Lies for Fun and Profit by Lawrence Block, because 1. it's hilarious; and 2. it gives some really good advice. It might be one be one of my favorite books on writing of all time.

I approach non-fiction books very differently from how I approach fiction books. With novels, I start at the beginning and go through to the end. I obey, aside from prologues (which I refuse to read) the order the author dictates. With non-fiction books, thanks in part to years in grad school, I jump around from introduction to conclusion to footnotes to different chapters. A non-fiction book that keeps me engaged from start to finish is very rare indeed. Nevertheless, I love nonfiction because sometimes it elevates information to an art form.




Discus this post with me on Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ or in the comments below.

Read More

THE RIVER OF NO RETURN by Bee Ridgway, Armchair BEA Giveaway

Nicholas is in the midst (literally) of fighting in the Napoleonic Wars when he's suddenly transported to the 21st century. He's immediately inducted into The Guild, and told only four things: there is no return, there is no return, tell no one, and uphold the rules. Then Nick finds out you CAN actually return to your own time and place. What else has The Guild been lying to him about?

The Washington Post said The River of No Return by Bee Ridgway has the feel of an instant classic, and while I might not agree with such lofty claims--the novel does have its issues--I will say it's an effing good story and unputdownable. I'm talking do-not-start-it-on-a-night-before-you-have-to-go-to-work unputdownable.

I already gave The River of No Return a "buy" vote on Book Riot, but if you need any more convincing: time travel, a lovely romance, and a lot to think about. One of the things I loved about this book was that there were Ideas behind it. Such as, how has the Enlightenment affected our world? Nick spends a lot of time in this novel trying to figure what he believes and how he will act, regardless of what society, religion and the government tells him he SHOULD do. Also, how has war and money shaped our civilization? Is it all worth it?

One last thing: I ADORED the romance in this book. It's actually a small part of the novel, but it's totally organic and compelling. Julia is a great character--as are all the other female characters, now that I think about it--and while the way her and Nick's relationship developed was a little anachronistic, it IS a time travel novel.

Anywhooooose, the publisher sent me two copies of The River of No Return for some reason, so I'm offering the copy I didn't read as part of Armchair BEA's blogger giveaways. Just fill out the form below or click here to enter. This is definitely a book you want to read!




Discus this post with me on Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ or in the comments below.

Read More

Armchair BEA Mystère et l'Amour!

Design credit: Emily of Emily's Reading Room

The bookish focus for today's Armchair BEA is our favorite genre fiction. First of all, before I get into the topic, I just want to say how pleased I am that Armchair BEA is addressing genre fiction this year specifically. I do feel like genre fiction is marginalized in the book blogging community, especially in big events like Armchair BEA, so I'm glad the organizers decided to focus on genre this year.

SO. My favorite genres are mystery and romance. My first love was actually mystery. When I was an itty bitty, I read TONS of mysteries of the MG variety. The first book I ever read on my own was Bunnicula by James Howe, and after that I was a big fan of Barbara Michaels, Mary Stewart, the ghost mystery books by Bruce Coville, and any other mystery I could get my hands on. I even wrote a mystery when I was in the 3rd grade!

Then, as a teen, I switched to romance. I admit before then I was a bit snooty about romance. But I was at my grandparents' house one day and I was super-bored and I'd just finished a book... So I decided to pick up Stranger in My Arms by Lisa Kleypas, which was lying on the table next to my grandfather's chair (my grandfather is a huge romance fan, by the way). I was immediately sucked into the story. At the end of the day, my grandfather was like, "Fine, you have this book, but I want it back," and after finishing that novel I was 100,000% a romance fan. I threw myself into the genre and read everything that sounded even vaguely interesting.

Romance is still my favorite genre, but right now I'm not feeling a lot of romance novels. I think my tastes have just changed. Not that I don't still love romance! I do, but I'm not a fan of series or urban fantasy, and most of the contemporary and historical romances I read these days seem too same-y. Look, I know people read books for different reasons: some read for beautiful writing, some for great characters, some for deep meaning, and that's all fine. But I read mainly for a great story. That's what attracted me to romance in the first place, but nowadays I feel like story is last is on the long list of Important Things to Put in Romance Novels. And that gives me the Rage and the Sadness.

Right now, I love books that combine my two favorite genres: mystery and romance. Honestly, I feel like these two genres are related because they're both about questions: Who will I fall in love in with? Who committed the murder? Is that guy who he seems (probably not)? Questions are what drive novels narratives, and I feel as though these two genres do their best at telling stories and focusing on questions we all care about.

So what's your favorite genre?

Discus this post with me on Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ or in the comments below.

Read More

Armchair BEA: Classics

Design credit: Sarah of Puss Reboots

This year for Armchair BEA we're being asked to write about genre fiction for our daily topics, and today we're addressing the issue of classics.

I used to avoid classics, especially after high school, because I was forced to read a lot of classics I didn't like and I thought they were hoity-toity and boring (except for the few I LOVED, of course, like Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, and The Great Gatsby). Nowadays, I read so many classics I started a my own classics blog, The Project Gutenburg Project! So what changed? Basically, thanks in large part to Project Gutenberg, Librivox, and Redeeming Qualities, I realized that there were all these entertaining, fun classic novels out there, waiting to be rediscovered.

If you have a favorite genre, chances are you can find that genre as a classic. I've been exploring classic mysteries from Edgar Allan Poe's Inspector Dupin stories (considered the first mysteries), to Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie, and it's been soooo much fun. Or romance! Ivanhoe, Vera, or an Emilie Loring novel will hit the spot. How about adventure? You can't go wrong with Rafael Sabatini, The Three Musketeers, or The Thirty-Nine Steps. Sci-fi fan? Try Robert E. Howard or Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Second of all, classics are curious. There are a lot of similarities to modern literature and some differences that are just bizarre. And I LOVE the bizarre books most of all. A few years ago I couldn't stop reading romances, and now I can't stop reading classics. It's like a sickness.

Anyway, if you want some recommendations for classics, just ask me in the comments and I'll try my best to think of something. Or check out the recommendation flow chart I made up (and need to update).

And if you have a favorite classic you think I'd like please let me know!


Discus this post with me on Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ or in the comments below.

Read More